(Because it’s trying to talk to you)

The Daily Noise

When I was younger and living less on purpose, I always felt the need to escape to someplace else. I was out and about all the time, every day, consistently.

If I were home for too long, I would want to go out and get uneasy by being still.

Once I started a family, I chased silence like you chase a toddler running with sharp scissors in his hand. Right now, it may seem that you have all the downtime in the world, but time passes fast when you are living.

The transition to parenthood is tough because it is natural to lose yourself in all the noise of a little human, juggling responsibilities and stepping into the role of parenting. You cannot just do whatever you want, whenever you want, for however long you want. At a minimum, you must figure out who will watch the kid while you are away.

My first real taste of listening to my inner voice happened during a yoga retreat, and it changed my life.

It put me back on a track towards myself. A path that pointed inward, into my deep thoughts and ideas.

The Silent Retreat

As a new parent, I needed to recharge and desperately desired to be alone. Coincidentally, one of my best friends I’ve known most of my life, is a yoga instructor and hosts multiple retreats a year. With a large over-sized suitcase full of mom guilt, I finally decided to book the trip and even paid in advance so I could not back out.

This retreat took me half-way around the world to Portugal for six days of yoga, meditation, female bonding, and some deep soul work. I was extremely fortunate to be able to plan such a grand escape.

Admittedly, I booked it without much research. Not only did I fully trust my friend’s curation, but it also did not matter. Six days of being away from all familiar responsibilities sounded like heaven to me.

Everything was as planned, except one minor, stunning detail. The retreat’s unplanned aspect was that it was at a Buddhist retreat center, and all meals were in silence.

Everyone was surprised — including my friend who planned it. Some women were uncomfortable and even annoyed by this fact that robbed them of their social time during meals. I was astonished but in a curious kind of way.

Until that second, when I had to shut my mouth and wasn’t required to listen to external voices, I had not heard my inner voice in years.

At that very moment, I could hear myself thinking and feeling all at once.

It was like the instant where a baby gets its first hearing aid and hears its mom voice for the first time, EVER. It blew my freaking mind.

I was overwhelmed with joy. I had no idea how loud silence could sound. It was like someone turned up the volume inside me, and I could hear all my inner secrets.

My voice started to whisper sweet nothings of the person I was always meant to be but didn’t even know possible.

I was elated and became slightly obsessed with not saying anything.

I needed to find myself. And I did it in silence.

The Life Lesson

The retreat and the quiet were short-lived, but the experience stuck with me years and years later. Realistically, I had plenty of noise in my day-to-day as I had two kids under two at home.

Yet, I experienced the secret of my connection to the world — sitting in silence.

The point of me telling you this story is not, so you think that you need to go half-way around the world on a Buddhist yoga retreat to find silence in your life and yourself.

You can learn to listen to your inner voice, even in the loudness of life. Yes, right now, where you are at this exact moment.

When you sit in silence, you will start getting glimmers of answers, and maybe even more questions. These are both clues into how you should be living your life.

By standing still with your thoughts, you will get hints into what you are curious about, what is meaningful, and what you can do next to get closer to your dreams.

Here are four simple exercises in listening to your inner voice every day:

1 / Sit in silence

This is an important one. Do this as long as you can each day. Put away all distractions and listen. You can start with five minutes and add another five each day or every week (whatever you are most comfortable with).

Meditation is great, but this is slightly different. For me, it is much easier to be silent and think. You do not have to try to block your mind wandering. Let it come — this is part of the process.

Keep your thinking in positive tones and explore the silence and all the sounds it brings.

2 / Write down your thoughts

Make lists and honor your ideas by writing them down. It does not matter what you scribble down as long as you translate your thinking onto paper.

If you are in the middle of your busy day and suddenly something comes to mind, jot it down. Do not think you will be able to remember it later. You will forget, so keep a journal or notebook handy or use the notes function on your phone.

3 / Follow your gut

Your intuition is insightful and the source behind your inner voice. Ask the universe or your Higher power a question and follow the signs towards the answers.

Look for random coincidences. If you find something that makes you curious, investigate. It will mostly lead to something good.

4 / Question your feelings

When you feel an emotion, stop, and ask yourself why you think it. Do this, not only when you are angry, but also for when you feel joy, sadness, or any feeling that creates an overwhelming impression.

Do this with every emotion and do this over again until you find out the underlying source. Questioning your reactions is a simple way to uncover concrete clues into your internal thinking.

The Final Word

Listen.

Your inner voice and the universe are trying to speak to you.

Finding silence amidst our deafening day is a test, but a necessary trial to find a level of calm you never expected.

If I can find silence during days filled with screaming children, cartoons, and non-stop living, you can also find time to rest with your thoughts and listen. I believe in you.

Start with a blank page. Sit still, pay attention, and make a list about whatever pops into your head. The easy part is the universe will usually thank you with a list of ideas.

Try it. You will be amazed by what comes up.

[Originally published on August 24, 2020 on Medium]